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It's Your Move, Kimberly

Toronto (March 26, 2009) -- My dear young niece:  I have sat  here in this coffee shop booth for over an hour listening to your sad tale of woe, which comes down basically to this:  The world is a howling wilderness and you have decided to howl, too.  For the first time in your life you are hearing the word NO, and you can't figure out what it means.  "What can I doooooo?" you wailed to your old Auntie, clutching your bevy of shopping bags filled with goods unpaid for, bought on credit you no longer have funds to cover.  "Auntie, what HAPPENED to my WORLD?"

Allow your old Auntie to explain.  No, shut up, Kimberly dear.  You had your innings.  Sit still or I'll slap you.

The first thing you Generation Yners need to learn is that this recession is NOT all about you personally. The reason your resume does not get any nibbles is NOT that "They Don't Like Me." The reason you flunked bookkeeping is NOT "the teacher doesn't like me." The reason you got fired from your secretarial job is not "My boss doesn't like me."

The reason is that, whether you like it or not, You Are Not In Charge. Contrary to what your Mommy told you, Someone Else IS the Boss Of You.

You didn't get the job because you sat down, crossed your legs, and started interrogating the interviewer about his "sustainable energy" plans, about "work-life balance", and about how much time off you get and how many perqs; and because you told him "I GOTTA leave at 4:00 to pick up my kids at daycare" even though the clearly advertised quitting time, if any, was 5:30.

The reason you flunked bookkeeping was that you didn't show up for class, your work was incomplete, you failed most of the exams, and you persisted in standing at the teacher's desk and whining that your F grade was "unfair" because you TRIED SO HARD ... when you and the prof both knew that the only thing you tried hard to do was pass the class without doing the work.

Your resume was rejected because half the words were misspelled, and the cover letter used was written in text message gibberish (e.g. the word is PEOPLE, not ppl.) A person who cannot spell, punctuate, paragraph, or recognize poor grammar in a letter of application is a person who cannot be left alone to do the job; and a person who needs a nanny to watch her work is depriving some useful person of a chair, a desk and a job.

And from what you have told me, when you finally did get a job, you were fired because you couldn't do the work, or even worse, you WOULDN'T do the work. When telephoned from the boardroom to bring your pad and pen and take lunch orders, you sniffed, "I'm not a waitress!" When you were called from court at 4:55 and asked to get a boardroom and order coffee and snacks from the kitchen because your boss and the clients were coming back and by the way, stand by to take instructions because the Judge had decided to hear argument on damages tomorrow instead of Monday, you whined, "But I go home at fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!" and you spent the next five minutes frantically trying to find someone else to do your work before you shut off your machinery and shot out the door.

And the next day when you came in, a 59 year old woman had your job ... because she could read, write, spell, punctuate, take lunch orders, run to the mall for nylons when your boss ripped hers right before a meeting, address clients with deference and stay til the work got done.

True, your aunties and uncles, and your Mom, were lucky enough to have parents who taught us these things, and who toiled in the factories and the fields so we would not have to. And it is true that you had four fathers and three mothers before you graduated from university. But your biggest problem is, was, and always has been that you believe that the world was your oyster and everything revolves around you.

Now you know it doesn't.

So you have a choice. Will you continue to sit on the kerb and whine that it's not "fairrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and vote for the next demagogue or puppet who tells you he'll take stuff from others and hand it to you ... or will you save us all a world of trouble and just starve to death now?

Or will you gratefully take that job at Wal-Mart and enroll in night school to learn those basic reading, writing, spelling, arithmetic and speaking skills you should have been taught in Grade Five, and go back to your Mom for a refresher course in "Please", "Thank You," "Yes ma'am," "No, sir," and "Right away, boss" with a big eager smile on your face?

And by the way, when you get to Wal-Mart for work every day, take a good look at that sign out front and remind yourself that you don't give the orders until the day you look up and that sign says "Kimberly Smith."

 The ball is in your court.

Your move.
 
Let's see what you can do.
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If You Could Talk to A Younger You

Toronto (March 2, 2009) -- On another website someone posed the question *If you could speak to your 20 year old self, what would you tell her about the future?*  Now I have just turned 61, and I am supposed to be an Old Fogey and a Stick In The Mud, a Cautious Carrie and a Curmudgeon -- but I have to tell you, I was startled by the ennervating, rut-digging, totally boring advice these much younger people would have given themselves.  It has been a lifetime since I was 20 years old (that was in 1968), but I can guarantee you that I would not have paid the slightest attention to a pinch-mouthed Future Me admonishing me to pay my bills, buy property and pay my mortgage, put all my money in savings and essentially put off living (save for marriage, children, and Buying Things) until everything was Paid in Full.  Not that there is anybody like that on either side of my family, fortunately.  We are more the Life Is Uncertain - Eat Dessert First type.
 
What I would tell my 20 year old self (who was focused almost exclusively on Star Trek, actually, and taking 24 units of classs at Bible College, working two part time jobs and living a very modified Vida Loca as she enjoyed her first experience being 800 miles away from her family) is quite different.
 
From my position in the future I would reassure her that she would have a very rich, full life and that she would achieve almost all the goals she had set for herself.  You will, I would tell her, stand on all 7 continents, travel to 40 different countries and 42 states, make friends all over the world, ride motocross, live in California (and Idaho, Tennessee, Georgia, Buffalo and Canada), and go to England so many times that it will become as usual as taking the bus from Atlanta to Alabama.  Life will change radically in the next few years and women will no longer be forced against their will to marry, have children and keep house -- so relax and stop dating impossible men; you will not have to settle for whatever comes along, and you will be much happier without any of these goofs.  It will bcome acceptable and possible for women to enter male-dominated fields but you will have to fight your way in by merit and you will succeed.
 
You will, I would have told her, have to re-make your life four or five times, from the ground up, but you will succeed every time, and you will do so by trusting in God and following His directions.  You will live in luxury and you will live in match boxes.  You will hike down canyons in Australia, and you will walk miles to work.  You will visit the 24 Hours of Le Mans 6 times (or more, the jury is still out on that) and in one year you will visit the Grand Prix of Montreal, the Grand Prix of Silverstone and the 24 Hours of Le Mans -- and then you will discover Petit Le Mans and life will change forever.  You will meet influential people and you will become friends with ambassadors.  But you will never be invited to a single home in Ontario, Canada, so dont waste your time trying to be friends with them.  It is no fault in you.  They are simply indifferent, unfriendly, insular people and there is no doing anything about it.  Keep up your friendships in other countries. 
 
There will be wonderful things and there will be terrible things in your future.  Be sure you write them down.  Help your sisters although they will not help you -- because you will enjoy doing it even if you get no return.  Learn German, Italian, Dutch and French.  You will need them when you are older and its easier to learn them now.  Buy a Ferrari Dino GTS.  They will quadruple in price very soon, and you will meet two men named Gino and Henri that you will otherwise never know.
 
Above all, no matter what fretful, rut-digging people advise you, do not put anything off.  Carpe Diem is your motto; adhere to it!  If you think you can put off travelling until you are 60 and all your bills are paid including your house, be advised that when you are 60 you will be blind in one eye and have heart trouble, and the places you wanted to visit will be dirty, dangerous and inaccessible to someone not in good physical health.  Besides which, your careful investments will have gone into the toilet, the value of your house will have dropped to nil and the neighbourhood will have gone bad so you cannot sell it at any price and you do not dare to leave it for long lest the savages loot it and burn it down.  Trust your instincts -- do not buy property you cannot bear to abandon.  Do not travel with anybody named Melody or Vanessa. 
 
And believe what Daddy advised you: spend your money and your time building memories.  Because when you reach the age of 61 and more of your life is behind you than ahead of you, it will be far better to look back on an exciting, fulfilling life than on a pile of bills stamped PAID, and to look forward to life as an adventure you can survive, not a trudge along a rut that looks the same ahead as it looks behind.
 
You are of sound mind, I would tell my 20 year old self: spend it all -- time, talent and treasure -- while you are alive.  You will be much happier than your trudging friends who obey the pinch-mouthed future selves who never had a minute of fun.
 
And never, ever travel with anybody named Melody or Vanessa.
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