Posted by
AudiR10TDI on Wednesday, May 21, 2008 3:55:31 PM
Toronto (May 21, 2008) -- One of my favourite lines in the misunderstood movie "The Big Chill" is spoken by the Glenn Close character, into the telephone, to her young daughter: "Well when YOU get to be a mother, YOU can be mean too!" whereupon she hangs up, lights up a cigarette (it was the 80s) and mutters, "Sometimes I can't believe the things I hear myself saying."
Think about it. All the years when you were growing up, did you not vow and swear never to be as unenlightened, mean, evil, nasty, cruel, and bossy as your Mama? Did you ever mutter to yourself, "When I have my own kids, I will NEVER make them spend a whole Saturday morning cleaning up their rooms!" or "I will allow them to raise white mice in their dresser drawers" or whatever awful thing your Mama had just handed down? And most of all, did you swear to yourself that you would never under any circumstances say "Because I, your Mama, said so"? or "You are Not Going Out Of Here Dressed Like THAT"?
And whatever you said to your as yet fictional children, you would keep your voice as sweet, kind and loving as Barbara Billingsly speaking to The Beav?
Confess: exactly how long did this vow last past the day your firstborn became ambulatory?
For me it was never an issue; although I objected to Mama's 'bossy' manner of expressing herself, I was the oldest of five and had found that her methods actually worked pretty well, at least on my well trained sisters. However, the two youngest were adamant that they were not going to follow the path of least resistance; they were going to reason with their children, speak softly to them, and allow them to do pretty much anything they wanted to do.
Sister No. 4 abandoned this method when her son was 3 years old. In fact, she abandoned it when she had spoken sweetly to him on a street corner, "Now hold Mommy's hand and wait--" and seen Junior give her that Kid Look and dart out into traffic. "Before I knew it," she confessed, "I was out there, had him back on the curb, and was paddling his little fanny." The usefulness of that Mom Voice that says one more step and you are dead meat was proved.
Sister No. 5 saw the light at her child's fourth birthday party, when said child and two partygoers locked themselves in the child's bedroom. The mother of one of the children in the room stood wringing her hands and proposing that they get tools and remove the door. Sis stepped up to the door and in the Mom Voice ordered, "Unlock that door this minute." The door was unlocked and opened almost before the words had died away. I was there at the time, and Sis turned to me and said, "Now I know why Mama used that tone of voice. Because it works."
Gradually the other Mom Answers crept into our vocabularies. "Well, if everybody else had warts, I bet you'd want those too." "Well if everybody else holds hands and jumps off the George Washington Bridge, I guess you'll go right over the edge with them." And of course the classic, "Well I am not everybody else's mother. I am YOUR mother. And I. SAID. NO."
My youngest boy told me once that some day when he grew up he was going on Oprah and tell the world what a mean, evil mother he had. "Let me know when you'll be on," I replied. "I'll want to phone all my friends." As I recall, he stood there with his mouth open for a minute, then muttered, "I can't stand it. I just can't stand it." as he walked away.
Think about it tonight as you put the kids to bed, or if yours like mine are grown and gone, about the days gone by when you suddenly heard your Mama's voice coming from between your lips. Did you stop and say to yourself, "Oh, Lord, I sound just like Mama!" and did you call your Mama and confess? If not, you should. Trust me, she'll understand and the two of you will have a good laugh about it.